Welcome back to our new Data and Analytics Series, Wurster Hall. “To find beauty in ugliness is the province of the poet.” - Thomas Hardy after reading last week’s Syracuse version.
This week we’re going to do a deep dive on the Wagner College, a real place. Seeing as how pretty much none of us knew anything about this place before the schedule announcement back in January 2025, it’s finally time to learn just how bright and beautiful this world is.
Hot Dog
Hot Dog. You know, I figured being headquartered in Staten Island that there’d be atleast one hot dog stand like, right there on campus, but apparently not! The nearest Hot Dog Stand/Restaurant is Skippy’s Hot Dogs! Over 10,000 hot dogs away! Top Dog wins again at only 1,000 bun lengths from campus to the Durant location. An important stat to monitor come Saturday, namely how long the line will be.
Distance to Nearest Zoo Black Bear
The Bears have a solid showing this week, beating out Wagner just barely in the distance to the nearest Black Bear, which locally is the Oakland Zoo, but to Wagner College is the Bronx Zoo, a staggering 13,271.35 bear lengths away. He does look very relaxed and if Cal ever goes to Wagner to play it might be worth a trip to the Bronx Zoo.
People Writing About Wagner College
This next post is a sponsored post from Write for California! Christopher H has been dutifully scouting Wagner College Football for Write for California for way longer than any sane or rational person should I believe as of press time, we estimated his post, inclusive of pictures and images clocks in right around 24 pages. That’s basically a kids picture book! But we here at Wurster Hall care about the stats!
Looking deep into the analytics now, Christopher_H wrote an impressive 6,366 words combined in the Offensive and Defensive Previews which will drop later this week. Meanwhile, the entire Wagner College Wikipedia Entry is 1,911 total words. Impressive Christopher_H!
The Hat Man
Now for the real stats. This past week, I attended the Write For California away game watch party at Headlands with my kid. Because I was on campus with them, we had to visit the student store which left me awestruck at the total volume of hats available, which then led me to another interesting statistic. According to the new Barnes and Noble Student Store, Cal has an impressive 146 hats available for your beautiful noggin. Meanwhile, the Official Wagner student store only has 36. What a bummer. This should factor into Saturday’s performance and could very well be the final score of the game.
Wait, How Many QBs Are On That Roster?
Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
Yes, I should be---GOOD LORD, what is happening on that roster?
Thanks to Twitter User justthebears who noticed that Wagner College, somehow, someway, has 11 total QBs rostered according to the school website. Which is impressive! I didn’t realize you could have that many QBs on the roster. You know what they say, if you have 11 QBs, you don’t have 1. I think I just counted 157 people on the roster? What the hell is going on on Staten Island?
Oh They Had To Carry Harry To The Ferry
Another important statistic is distance from campus to the ferry. Because of course, they had to carry Harry to the ferry. And the ferry carried Harry to thе shore. And the reason that thеy had to carry Harry to the ferry. Was that Harry couldn't carry any more. Wagner College would have to carry Harry just over three miles to the Staten Island Ferry while UC Berkeley would have to carry Harry over 5.5 miles from campus to the Oakland Ferry. Credit where its due, point to Wagner. Although after carrying Harry 5.5 miles, I’d like a beer. Maybe a keg for 4 of us.
WAIT WHAT ARE THE ENROLLMENT NUMBERS?
And lastly, just to put this entire weekend into perspective, we’re going to compare the total enrollment of Wagner College (1582 undergraduate students) to the peak enrollment of UC Berkeley’s highest enrolled class, CS61A at a whopping 1657 students. Wow. How the heck did we get into this?
And with that, we’ve learned everything we need to know about Wagner College! Wow, thats a lot of numbers! Looking forward to what should be a very one-sided game. Hope to see you there!
Excuse me, 157 players on the roster with 1,582 undergraduates?!?
I live about 150 miles from Wagner College and I, too, learned about its existence when Cal put their schedule out. I don't recall ever meeting a Wagner Seahawk, which I just learned is their mascot.